Belated Birthday Celebrations

Deanna and Elaina's birthdays were about 6 weeks ago and normally we take the kids out for a treat to celebrate their birthday, but because we were still living on different continents the girls decided to wait until we were together again before we celebrated.

So, last week, armed with coupons and camera, we went to Chuck E Cheese.  What a joy it was to watch the kids enjoying each others company again.

The Gift of Grief

"You are awesome, O God, in your sanctuary; 

the God of Israel gives power and strength to his people.

Praise be to God!"

Psalm 68:35

  

I stood there with the envelope in my hand, excited.  The stamp on the front told me that this was the letter I had been waiting for, from our attorney.  I was expecting it to be the finalization date for our adoption of baby Luke, but as I read the contents I couldn’t have been more wrong.  I stood for a second in total shock then sank to the floor and sobbed like a young child.  How could God let this happen to us?

Six months prior Luke wasn’t even a possibility, we didn’t go looking for a private adoption or even necessarily want one, yet one Wednesday evening in early September 1998 God brought us and Luke together.  I was sitting in a classroom at church and someone was asking me about how we were getting along with our foster/adoption classes.  At the same time another woman walked passed and overheard part of the conversation, she entered the room asking who was going to adopt.  I filled her in on our desire to foster and hopefully adopt a baby through the Missouri foster care system.    She looked amazed and proceeded to tell me that she had just been told that her friend’s daughter was eight months pregnant and she had just decided to give her baby up for adoption.  The woman asked if we would be interested in adopting that child.

I was speechless.   How do you respond to a question like that?  I told her I would talk to Gary and get back to her. 

My journey home that night was full of emotion, mainly excitement as I dared to dream that this could possibly be happening to us, yet trying to be realistic in knowing that nothing had been decided either by us or the birthmother.   After discussing the situation with Gary we decided to go ahead and see if the Lord would bring this together.  The following week we met with Luke’s birthmother, and grandmother and they decided to let us have the privilege of being his parents.

Then, just 9 days after we first heard about Luke, I received the call to let me know his mother was in labor.   We made it to the hospital just a few minutes after he was born.  The hospital staff were incredible as they let me stay in a spare room with Luke through the night so I could feed him and attend to his needs.  Words cannot describe how it felt to hold our son.  Our child who we did not even know we were expecting.  God had done an amazing thing to bring us together and we happily told everyone about His goodness.

 

When Luke was 6 weeks old and sleeping through the night, we decided we were ready to put our names down on the waiting list for a foster child.  Little did we know just 2 weeks later we would receive 8 day old Daniel into our home.  He came to us as a foster placement, which meant we were working with the agency to try to return him to his birth mother.  While we did love Daniel, we held part of our hearts, in protection, knowing that he may one day be leaving us.  

But Luke, he was ours.  Or so we thought.  In Missouri a child has to be in your home for six months before the adoption can be finalized so the letter we received in February 1999 was supposed to be the finalization date.  Instead the words in the letter that had me on the floor sobbing, were telling me that someone had come forward and claimed to be Luke’s biological father.  This man wanted his son.  Could we possibly loose our child?

So on February 27^th 1999 I took Luke to get a DNA test to validate this man’s claim.  We had to wait 2 long weeks for the results.  During the waiting period we kept praying and hoping that Luke would be able to stay.  We told ourselves that God wouldn’t bring us together as a family just to tear us apart. Would He?  As I listened on the phone, the results were obvious to those in the room.  My tears fell as I heard that Luke was this man’s son.  How Lord, how is this possible?  Why did You let this happen?

Our hearts were so heavy the next day as we prepared to give Luke to his biological father.  I cannot begin to describe the pain as we sat, holding our son for the last time, saying goodbye.  As it came time for him to leave Gary took him from my arms, carried to the car and placed him in his car seat for the last time. Gary returned to the house and cried with me – we had lost our son and our hearts were broken.

The following weeks and months were hard but I cannot stop the story here as this is not a story about pain but of joy and hope as the Lord restores the brokenhearted.  And that is just what the Lord did, in time.   But before we were restored we needed to walk though the valley of grief, of not understanding, but still trusting in our Heavenly Father.

The case of the orphan is a passion that the Lord has placed in our lives and we do what we can to help others take care of the least of these and over the years I have spent time encouraging others to adopt or foster.  The most common excuse I hear from people as a reason not to foster is this:  “I couldn’t do it because it would be too hard to give them back”.   Have you ever thought that?

This is where I realize that through our experience with Luke I can honestly turn to these people and tell them “Yes, if you do your job right and love these children like God wants you to, you will hurt, BUT God does heal.”   James 1:27 does not tell us to “take care of the widows and orphans in their distress … and you will never experience pain”.  We, the body of Christ, are commanded to take care of the widows and orphans.  Period.  No excuses!!  It does not matter if we are called to take care of and love a child for a week, a year or a lifetime.  We need to do it and take the opportunity we have, while they are in our home, to show them the love of Jesus.   Fostering and/or adopting are incredible opportunities to reach the hurting children of this world for Christ.

If we do our job right, and love them, if and when they leave, we will hurt.  But I am so grateful for the gift of grief we experienced, because through that I know that neither I nor you have to live in fear of the pain, but delight in the One who I know will heal.

  

Michelle