I Know God's Way is Perfect but ...

...  I just wish I could take that knowledge from my head and have it embedded in my heart.

Yesterday was a wonderful day, I went with a friend to pick up 7 week old twins which her family are taking care of for a couple of weeks while their birth mother recovers.  We are both grateful to Gary and Melissa's Mom for taking turns in caring for our children while Melissa and I ran around St Louis, picked up the twins, went out for lunch and took them to their Dr's appointment.  It was a great day with a good friend.

But this week I have been struggling with what the Lord is doing with me.  As I have written before  we (as a family) long to open our home to children in need, but are unable to do so because of the place we live.  So the Lord has placed on my heart the desire to recruit other families to help meet the need of families in crisis.  We now have a few families in Jefferson County who are licensed and 4 others in various stages of the application process.  He is also expanding my role as we are looking to open up a hub of Safe Families For Children here in Jefferson County and I have become part of the steering committee to make that happen.

The problem is I don't want that role.  I don't want a position of leadership, I don't want to be spending all this time reading the training manuals, I don't want to make phone calls, I don't want to have to go to meeting after meeting and be part of the decision making process.  I just want to take care of children.  I am not a leader.  I am a mother.

So yesterday morning I started to complain to the Lord about all of this.  And in His Goodness, He dealt so gently with me.  I was writing out Psalm 18:30 which begins:

This God - His way is perfect

and I knew He was speaking to me.  This isn't the path I would have chosen, or necessarily want but His way is perfect and I have to believe that.  As I said at the beginning of this post, it's easy to know in my head but harder to know it in my heart.

God is equipping me for the journey He has me on.  He is giving me many ideas of people to contact regarding Safe Families and even giving me a passion to see this expand in our community.  But it doesn't mean I'm not struggling anymore. Even as  I write this I have to wipe the tears from my face knowing it is not my place (at least not for now) to love on these little ones in need - maybe one day the Lord will allow me to.  Until then I keep working on being obedient and trusting Him and His perfect ways.

Michelle

I Am Blessed

The Lord has blessed me so incredibly, beyond what I could ever have imagined.  I have an incredible husband, who loves the Lord, me and our children

and our six wonderful kids

Daniel

Elaina

Nicholas

Naomi

Jeremiah

Deanna

and praying that the Lord would give us more to love and raise for His Glory.

Michelle

Looking Back

I have spent some time over the last few weeks reflecting on the events of 2010 and am amazed at the journey the Lord has taken us on.  So many valleys and mountains we have climbed but the Lord has led all the way. 

We began last year living in Leeds, England working with WEC International, yet eagerly anticipating our move to Zambia, which was planned for March.  Through the challenges of planning another international move we had the excitement of knowing that the Lord wanted us to move to Zambia to work with just a few of the thousands of orphans in that country.  We saw Him move mountains to get us there and gently lead us when we arrived, only to realize after a few short weeks that due to lies and possible corruption we were unable to continue with our partner in the ministry.  Without this partner we couldn't stay in Zambia.  The pain was deep as I grieved over the death of the dream and listened to our children cry as they too dealt with the pain of leaving many desperate children behind.

Upon our return to England I had the joy of surprising my sister as I appeared on her doorstep, while she thought I was still in Zambia.  The look of surprise on her face - priceless.

We struggled through the next few weeks as we sought the Lord as to His direction for our lives.  We had the opportunity to remain in England, return to the States or try to return to Africa.  Wherever we looked we found the door to Africa closed and we knew our decision was between England and America.  After much prayer we were led by God to return to the States, the reason being that in this country we can adopt again - and that is truly the desire of our hearts.

But our return would not be easy as I had to apply for my residency permit to be reinstated.  We applied and waited.

During our wait I had the joy of seeing my 92 year old grandmother just days before she passed away in May, and visit my 98 year old grandmother (who passed away just a few weeks ago). I also treasure the time I was able to spend with my parents, brother and sister and their families and have many great memories.

Then came the almost unbearable challenge of seeing Gary, Daniel and Nicholas board the plane.  God in His goodness didn't let us know ahead of time that our separation would have been as long as it was, otherwise I don't know if I could have said goodbye.

The separation was long and hard, but as I reflect I see the Lord's goodness to us.  He sustained, protected us and gave us wonderful opportunities to teach our children what it meant to trust in the Lord, especially when life doesn't seem to make sense.

I have experienced the discipline of the Lord as we tried so much to hurry the process to get us home only to have the Lord delay the process as we weren't waiting on Him. 

I have experienced the incredible peace that passes all understanding, when I traveled to London for my final interview KNOWING that the Lord was with me.  Then I felt the wrenching bitter sweet emotions as I left my parents and siblings again, yet eagerly anticipating my reunion with my husband and sons.

I have watched the Lord bring my visa earlier than expected and see Him work out the details so that just 40 hours after it arrived we were on a plane headed for Chicago and back in St Louis in time for the girls to sing "Nothing is impossible with God"

I have relaxed in the arms of my husband's embrace after 4 months apart and have learned to appreciate him and our family even more.

I have seen the Lord, provide abundantly for our needs.  We returned to this country with nothing but our suitcases and an additional 150 cubic foot of items we shipped, yet I sit in a home that is fully furnished.  We have asked nobody for anything, but the Lord has been gracious and through the body of Christ He has provided all we have needed.

The biggest lesson I have learned from this past year, I think, is to just wait on the Lord.  I know that sounds so easy, and I still struggle with it because I'm not very patient, BUT I have seen Him at work and know that He will make my paths straight, if I just wait on Him.  Not always will the direction make sense to me, but His ways are always right and in His footsteps I will continue to walk.



Michelle

The Gift of Grief

"You are awesome, O God, in your sanctuary; 

the God of Israel gives power and strength to his people.

Praise be to God!"

Psalm 68:35

  

I stood there with the envelope in my hand, excited.  The stamp on the front told me that this was the letter I had been waiting for, from our attorney.  I was expecting it to be the finalization date for our adoption of baby Luke, but as I read the contents I couldn’t have been more wrong.  I stood for a second in total shock then sank to the floor and sobbed like a young child.  How could God let this happen to us?

Six months prior Luke wasn’t even a possibility, we didn’t go looking for a private adoption or even necessarily want one, yet one Wednesday evening in early September 1998 God brought us and Luke together.  I was sitting in a classroom at church and someone was asking me about how we were getting along with our foster/adoption classes.  At the same time another woman walked passed and overheard part of the conversation, she entered the room asking who was going to adopt.  I filled her in on our desire to foster and hopefully adopt a baby through the Missouri foster care system.    She looked amazed and proceeded to tell me that she had just been told that her friend’s daughter was eight months pregnant and she had just decided to give her baby up for adoption.  The woman asked if we would be interested in adopting that child.

I was speechless.   How do you respond to a question like that?  I told her I would talk to Gary and get back to her. 

My journey home that night was full of emotion, mainly excitement as I dared to dream that this could possibly be happening to us, yet trying to be realistic in knowing that nothing had been decided either by us or the birthmother.   After discussing the situation with Gary we decided to go ahead and see if the Lord would bring this together.  The following week we met with Luke’s birthmother, and grandmother and they decided to let us have the privilege of being his parents.

Then, just 9 days after we first heard about Luke, I received the call to let me know his mother was in labor.   We made it to the hospital just a few minutes after he was born.  The hospital staff were incredible as they let me stay in a spare room with Luke through the night so I could feed him and attend to his needs.  Words cannot describe how it felt to hold our son.  Our child who we did not even know we were expecting.  God had done an amazing thing to bring us together and we happily told everyone about His goodness.

 

When Luke was 6 weeks old and sleeping through the night, we decided we were ready to put our names down on the waiting list for a foster child.  Little did we know just 2 weeks later we would receive 8 day old Daniel into our home.  He came to us as a foster placement, which meant we were working with the agency to try to return him to his birth mother.  While we did love Daniel, we held part of our hearts, in protection, knowing that he may one day be leaving us.  

But Luke, he was ours.  Or so we thought.  In Missouri a child has to be in your home for six months before the adoption can be finalized so the letter we received in February 1999 was supposed to be the finalization date.  Instead the words in the letter that had me on the floor sobbing, were telling me that someone had come forward and claimed to be Luke’s biological father.  This man wanted his son.  Could we possibly loose our child?

So on February 27^th 1999 I took Luke to get a DNA test to validate this man’s claim.  We had to wait 2 long weeks for the results.  During the waiting period we kept praying and hoping that Luke would be able to stay.  We told ourselves that God wouldn’t bring us together as a family just to tear us apart. Would He?  As I listened on the phone, the results were obvious to those in the room.  My tears fell as I heard that Luke was this man’s son.  How Lord, how is this possible?  Why did You let this happen?

Our hearts were so heavy the next day as we prepared to give Luke to his biological father.  I cannot begin to describe the pain as we sat, holding our son for the last time, saying goodbye.  As it came time for him to leave Gary took him from my arms, carried to the car and placed him in his car seat for the last time. Gary returned to the house and cried with me – we had lost our son and our hearts were broken.

The following weeks and months were hard but I cannot stop the story here as this is not a story about pain but of joy and hope as the Lord restores the brokenhearted.  And that is just what the Lord did, in time.   But before we were restored we needed to walk though the valley of grief, of not understanding, but still trusting in our Heavenly Father.

The case of the orphan is a passion that the Lord has placed in our lives and we do what we can to help others take care of the least of these and over the years I have spent time encouraging others to adopt or foster.  The most common excuse I hear from people as a reason not to foster is this:  “I couldn’t do it because it would be too hard to give them back”.   Have you ever thought that?

This is where I realize that through our experience with Luke I can honestly turn to these people and tell them “Yes, if you do your job right and love these children like God wants you to, you will hurt, BUT God does heal.”   James 1:27 does not tell us to “take care of the widows and orphans in their distress … and you will never experience pain”.  We, the body of Christ, are commanded to take care of the widows and orphans.  Period.  No excuses!!  It does not matter if we are called to take care of and love a child for a week, a year or a lifetime.  We need to do it and take the opportunity we have, while they are in our home, to show them the love of Jesus.   Fostering and/or adopting are incredible opportunities to reach the hurting children of this world for Christ.

If we do our job right, and love them, if and when they leave, we will hurt.  But I am so grateful for the gift of grief we experienced, because through that I know that neither I nor you have to live in fear of the pain, but delight in the One who I know will heal.

  

Michelle

 

Home

Just a really quick note to let you know that we made it safe and sound.  

Thank you for all of your prayers - it was an incredible journey and I will fill you in on all the details soon - but not today.  Today I am going to spend my time enjoying those I have missed so much :)

Michelle

Wow!!!

Do you remember my post last Saturday when I told you that the man who did my interview apologized because my visa would take 7 to 10 days to get to me and there was nothing he could do to speed it up?

Well, he may not have been able to speed it up - but GOD was and He did!!!

I found out last night that it would be delivered today so, first thing this morning I called a local bus company who could possibly take us to the airport.  I told him when we were hoping to leave and asked if he could take us.  He wasn't sure if he could do it at such short notice but would check into it for me.  Meanwhile I found a flight, but obviously wasn't able to book it until I had my visa in my hand.

So while we waited we packed.  I received a call back from the bus company who told me they could take us, but again I couldn't book it until the flights were booked.  By this time there were only 6 seats left on the flight and still no visa. 

Finally, just after 3pm my visa arrived.  I was able to book 5 of the remaining 6 seats on the flight and confirmed transportation to the airport. 

We are all set to fly to Chicago (where Gary, Nicholas and Daniel will meet us) on Friday morning.  Lord willing, we will be reunited in 47 hours.   It has been a long 4 months away from my husband and sons and I am so looking forward to being together again as one family.  The children are so excited.  Deanna even told me that one of her soft toys was "crying with joy!"

While we have looked forward to this day for a long, long time, it is also bitter sweet as I again prepare to leave those I love.  Tomorrow we get to spend the day with my parents, sister and niece.  I know we will have a great time, but goodbyes are never easy.

On a final note I have to tell you this story because the Lord's timing is amazing.   Our children are involved in the children's choir at our church in Missouri and they put on a Christmas performance each year.  Well, several weeks ago we were sent the music and words for this year's performance for the kids to practice in anticipation that we would be back in the States before Christmas.  The kids were asked if they wanted any speaking parts or solos and both Elaina and Naomi volunteered for a solo.  Anyway, the choir director assigned parts and also arranged for the choir to sing one of the songs in church on Sunday 17 October, but it wasn't until a couple of weeks ago did she realize that the song she had planned for the choir to sing that day was the one in which Elaina and Naomi had their solos!!!   Obviously no one was sure that we would be back in time so they had arranged back ups for the girls.

Well I am so happy to say that we will be in church Sunday morning and the girls want to sing their solos - and the name of the song the choir will sing is  -

"NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD!"

What more can I say? :)

Michelle

To GOD be the Glory

... Great things HE hath done

First, let me apologize for not getting this post up last night.  After not sleeping well on Thursday night, a 4 am start yesterday and then all the emotion of the interview, I was too tired to write (well, at least write and have it make any sense!!)

Thank you! Thank you! for all your prayers.  We have been incredibly blessed and humbled to find out that people from all over the world have been praying for us and several even got up in the night to pray during my interview.  Your emails and comments have been so appreciated - it is wonderful when we, as the body of Christ, can rejoice together for the GREAT things HE does.

So ... back to yesterday.  Although the journey to London was incredibly early, I was grateful that it was uneventful and that the trains were on time.

I arrived at the Embassy at 8.30 - plenty of time for my 9 am interview.  Well I sat and waited, and prayed and waited and prayed some more.  Most of this time I was calm, but I have to admit that a couple of times fear started to encroach upon me.  I had to remind myself of the scripture He had given me that morning (Exodus 14:13-14) and that He was in control of the outcome of this day.   After waiting over 2 hours they finally called my number.

I found myself at window 14 with a kind man behind it.  He took my fingerprints and paperwork, gave me a pink sheet of paper and told me to wait until I was called again.    I read the pink information sheet which told me I had completed stage 1.  Now my paperwork would be looked over and I then would be called for the interview.  It also informed me I could have a several hour wait for the interview!!  At this time my prayer was 3 fold.  Lord, please allow them to overlook the fact that our income doesn't meet their requirements; please let my wait be short as I know Gary will be expecting my call soon and also, please don't let the mean woman (who conducted my interview in July) be the one to interview me today!!!

The Lord was gracious on all three of those requests.  Even though I had seen people wait well over an hour for their interview I was called up after only 20 minutes.  I reached window 16 and was so relieved to find a man there waiting to do the interview and not the mean woman!!!

This is truly the incredible part - we had asked the Lord to give us an interviewer who was compassionate and who looked over the negative aspect of the finances.  Well, not a word was mentioned about money and more amazingly my interviewer understood our situation!!  He was an American man and told me he is married to a British woman.  They have moved back and forth from both countries and understands what it is like to have to jump through all the immigration hoops each time you move!!!

The Lord did it.  He gave us someone who understood our situation!

The man then asked when I would like to return.  Of course I said as soon as possible because we have been apart for almost 4 months.  He replied by telling me my visa was approved and then apologized because my visa would take 7 - 10 days to arrive and there was nothing he could do to speed it up!!  That's okay. I can wait!!


It has been almost 6 months since we applied for my visa and it now feels kind of surreal that we finally have the answer we have been waiting so long for. Oh, but we are so grateful for what God has done.  He has not only allowed me to return to the States but has given me back my permanent residency status which means we won't have to wait 2 years before we can begin adopting  (but that is in the future!!)  For now, I look forward to the reunion of our family - how sweet that will be.

We thank you again for all your prayers and support and to our Heavenly Father for the gift of my visa.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father"   

James 1:17

The Decision

As Michelle prepared to leave the house this morning by spending some time in God's Word, He gave her these verses:

"Fear not, stand firm, and see the salvation of the LORD, which he will work for you today. For the Egyptians whom you see today, you shall never see again. The LORD will fight for you, and you have only to be silent."   Exodus 14: 13-14

Many have been praying while Michelle was in the interview and we appreciate all the prayer very much. We have been encouraged by God very much leading up to this date. Michelle will fill you in with all of the details as soon as she possibly can. She is travelling back from London now to start preparations. But this long journey is ending now with this answer:

Like cold water to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country. Proverbs 25:25

She's coming home!!! It will be about  7 - 10 days before she gets her visa in the mail, but she's coming home!!!


Gary

The LORD is in control

In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.

Proverbs 16:9

The lot is cast into the lap, but its every decision is from the LORD.

Proverbs 16:33

 

Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the LORD'S purpose that prevails.

Proverbs 19:21

The king's heart is in the hand of the LORD; He directs it like a watercourse wherever He pleases

Proverbs 21:1

How awesome is the LORD Most High,

the great King over all the earth!

Psalm 47:2

I have to tell you I am so excited about the interview tomorrow.    I KNOW He is in control of the outcome and I look forward to seeing His answer to our prayers.

Michelle

Struggling

Today I awoke with a heavy heart.  One that is burdened with the interview next week.  An interview in which we will need a miracle to occur in order to be granted the visa that I so long for.  The reason we need a miracle is because we have been volunteers with WEC and therefore have not had the income over the last few years that immigration requires us to have in order to prove that I will not become a burden on the government!

The interview could go 1 of 3 ways.  I could be granted my visa (this is obviously what we hope will happen) or they could reject it or, they could require more information.  I don't know which I fear more, the outright rejection or the need for more information.  If I am rejected Gary and the boys will probably return to the UK.  We have no problem with living here except that will mean a death of the dream of adopting more as we won't be allowed to in this country.  But, if they require more information, or if we decide to fight the rejection then it will mean a longer separation for an indefinite period of time.  I so desperately want to be with my husband and boys again that it hurts.

I know that God is more than capable of giving us that miracle and granting me a visa, but I don't know that He will choose to do that and that is what I am struggling with right now - the fear of not knowing and the fear of being apart even longer.

As I spent time with the Lord this morning I asked Him to show me what He was doing.  Encourage me.  Help me in this struggle. 

I spent time with Him, reading His word and praying yet constantly I was distracted by my thoughts, my struggles, my fears.

After finishing my reading I moved to my computer to check emails etc, and connected to a blog I haven't read in a long time.  And right there was my encouragement from the Lord.  You can read it here. 

I have no guarantee that I will get a visa but I do have the guarantee from God that He will work things out according to His purpose.  And if I truly believe that He is in control and He is enough for me then I have to make that choice to trust Him whatever the outcome.

He is the one who can move mountains, (and governments) not me.  So, through tears of surrender I am choosing to trust Him.  Not understanding why we walk through this deep valley - but trusting.

He is my hope - my only hope - and I choose to trust Him


Michelle

Interview Date

Today we heard from the American Embassy but I thought I would let Elaina tell you about it.  Below is what she wrote in her journal (of course I got her permission to share her thoughts with you  :)

News from the Embassy today.  Mom's interview is in October (8th).  After my birthday! After Deanna's birthday!  In six weeks.

I wish we could be on the plane right now, but all the wishing in the world won't get us what we want.  

Through all tough times, we must remember to trust in God.

Elaina

Waiting

Can you believe it has been over 2 months since Gary, Daniel and Nicholas left?!

We had really hoped to have been reunited by now, but that is not the case.  I remain in England with Jeremiah and the girls ... waiting!  Waiting for my second interview at the American Embassy where they will make the decision as to whether to grant me a visa ... or not.

For the last two weeks I have been checking my email constantly to see if the interview has been scheduled.  But no email has arrived. 

Gary contacted his Senator last week to see if they can move this process along.  They said they would contact the embassy, but we have heard nothing.  

Finally, this morning I wrote the Embassy an email to see if they had scheduled my interview (as I was told at my first interview that it could probably happen in August) but I received an automated reply stating that my email had been deleted without being read.

So we wait ... and wait ... trusting, not in man, but in our God who is Sovereign and is in control of all things.  He, and He alone will allow me back to the States, when He is ready. 

Do I understand why we have been separated so long?  Absolutely not!  I do not have to understand why,  but I do have to trust in Him who works all things for the good of those who love Him. 

That is what I am trying to do, yet some days are easier than others!!

Pro 3:5  Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;

Isa 55:8  "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.

Michelle

God's world is so small

One of the other paperwork requirements we have to fulfill is for Gary to provide an affidavit of support.  Proving that he can provide for me and that I won't become a burden on the government. 

There are a few challenges with this - we need to show our 2009 tax return - whoops we don't have one of those because we weren't in the country and didn't need to file.  Ok, we will send the 2008 tax return - a little problem there too. While we did file a 2008 tax return, we couldn't find it.  We know it was sent to us in England, but from moving from England to Zambia, back to England and now America, it seems to have gone missing.  Now, I know we could have requested a copy from the IRS but that would have taken a long time and believe me, we are trying to get all this paperwork done asap so our family can be together again.

On Sunday I had an idea - why not contact the man who prepared our taxes and see if he still has a copy.  I called Gary, he didn't have the man's email, so instead he sent an email to the Financial Director at WEC and asked if he could put us in contact with the man who did our taxes (who now lives in New Zealand).  WEC emailed the man for us and by Monday afternoon I had an email with a copy of our 2008 tax return.

So, in less than 24 hours, my request went to the Lord and then from England to Missouri, to Pennsylvania to New Zealand and back to England. 

Thank you to those who I know were praying that we would find our tax return quickly - the Lord answered your prayers and we are grateful.

Michelle

Interview Outcome

What a day!!!  I am so tired, more emotionally than physically, I think.

Anyway, the important news.  I have verbally been given my status of Permanent Resident and I believe your prayers made all the difference, so we thank you. 

The interview itself was horrible.  It didn't last long, but the interviewer was not impressed that I had been out of the country for more than a year and she proceeded to give me a mini lecture and then spent about 30 seconds 'um'ing and 'ah'ing about whether to allow me to return to the States. 

During those seconds (which felt like minutes) I was constantly praying and asking the Lord to let me return.  When she finally told me she would approve my application my whole body relaxed and I let out a huge sigh and thanked her.  But she was quick to inform me that I couldn't return just yet.  First I need to jump through a few more hoops (my interpretation of her words ;)


I need to obtain and fill out a whole bunch of paperwork, along with a police background check and a medical.  I have already begun working on my list and have my medical scheduled for the 11 August (for which I have to return to London).  Once all my paperwork is done (including the medical) then I have to return to London again for yet another interview.  If everything is in order then I should receive my visa, but if anything is wrong then my application could still be denied. 

 So, in short, I think we have jumped the biggest hurdle, but we are not out of the woods yet.  Therefore we would appreciate your continued prayers for this situation. 

Tonight I will sleep well,  thankful to my Heavenly Father for His kindness to us and for the many friends and family who have been praying for us, but I have to admit my heart is still heavy. I miss my husband and my boys and I struggle with not knowing when we will be together again.

Michelle

The Interview - 11am Tuesday (UK Time)

Tomorrow (Tuesday) is a big day here as I will be traveling to London to have my interview at the American Embassy and the outcome of the interview will determine when (and maybe even if ...) I am allowed to return to America as a Permanent Resident.


I have been asked how we have found ourselves in this position as I first received my 'Green card' (which by the way is not green at all!!) aka Permanent Resident Visa over 15 years ago.  Doesn't 'permanent' mean just that - forever!?   We would have thought so too, but we found out just before we left the States that if you are gone from the Country for any period over 1 year then you loose your right to automatically reenter.  Instead we have to ask for permission for me to return, proving that when I left I wasn't abandoning America and that I still have ties there.


In theory this interview should be straight forward.  We kept a bank account in the US while we were gone and retained membership and support of our local church yet, I have to admit I am nervous.  Nervous because we are dealing with governments and someone else is making the decision as to whether I can return and if so when.  Nervous because I want desperately to be with my husband and sons again (we have now been separated for 5 long weeks).


I often have to remind myself of the truth.  That God is in control of all.  That nothing is outside His sovereignty and control.   But I still find the butterflies creeping back in my stomach.


Please pray with us that the Lord will grant us favor tomorrow.  That I will be able to leave the US Embassy with clearance to return and that the Northcutts will be reunited soon.


Please also remember Jeremiah, Deanna, Elaina and Naomi in your prayers tomorrow as they are a little concerned about letting me out of their sight.   I think because their Dad has been gone so long they are concerned about something happening to me.  Elaina even offered to come to London with me in case I get lost in a crowd ?!!

Thank you ... and I promise to put a post up tomorrow evening (UK time) to let you know how things went.

Hiccup

I wondered if plans for our move were going too smoothly ... well yesterday we encountered a large 'hiccup'.

We had checked thoroughly about visas etc to get into Zambia and had it all worked out.  We were informed by the Zambian High Commission in London that we can enter the country with a letter from the charity inviting us to work in the country.  Once in Zambia we would then apply for our volunteer worker visas.  With this we were satisfied.

Well, yesterday we were advised not to send any of our belongings into the country until we had received our worker visas.  This is because if our things arrive before we receive the visas (which will give us permission to stay long term) then we would have to pay duty on all of our household goods!!! And you just know that's not in the budget!!!

The visa could take 8 weeks to be issued (assuming there are no delays).  So in theory, if we send our shipping in just a couple of weeks, and after a journey of about 50 days it should arrive after our visas have been received.  BUT what happens if our visas are delayed for some reason?  We would still end up paying duty on everything.  So we have decided to wait until our visas have been approved until we ship our things.

The consequences of this are that after we move out of the guest house in a month, we will then probably be living in an unfurnished house and therefore will be without kitchen equipment, beds, etc for 3 months or longer.

I have to be honest and tell you I have struggled with this.  In fact as I write this at 6am I have already been awake for a few hours, wrestling with the Lord over this 'hiccup'.  Asking Him questions like, what are we going to do?  What will I cook with?  What about the children's education?  What about their toys and personal things?  Is it fair for us to live for so long with just what we can carry in 1 suitcase?

Then the Lord so gently corrected me.  'Michelle, you will have a roof over your head.  You will have food.  You will have clothes.  You will have the people around you that you love.  You will have so much more than any of the children that you will be there trying to help. 

With that, the Lord left me repentant.  How can I complain when I have so much?!

Michelle

Emotions

I have been asked to give an update on our preparations to move. So here it is.

Practically, we are getting there, albeit slowly. We have found flights that will work for us and will be booking them today - or at least transferring the money to the States today. We will purchase the tickets when the money arrives in the US as the company we are working with offers special prices for missionary and humanitarian work but in order to keep their prices low, charges the extra 3% if we pay by credit card.

We are still looking for a shipping company. The concern is not so much, how to get our things across the ocean, but choosing a company to transport the container from Durban, South Africa to Livingstone, Zambia. We also have to send our vehicle as we have been advised it will be cheaper than buying one in Zambia - with that comes the challenge of finding somewhere to load the van onto the container.

I have finally started packing. Due to having to rent a 20ft container (because of the van) we will be able to get more of our belongings shipped.

We are still looking for accommodation for when we arrive in Livingstone. Please pray that the Lord will provide that soon.

All our vaccinations are now completed - Praise the Lord!! I have to boast on our children for just a moment. They all did so well - out of all the vaccinations they received we saw tears only once.

So physically we are getting there. Emotionally - well, that's a lot harder.

Last week we spent time with some family and friends, enjoying each other's company and saying goodbye. That is not easy. And there is a lot more of that to come.

The biggest emotional hurdle that Gary and I face right now has been actually purchasing the flights. It is not that we aren't willing to part with the money, but we are struggling to make that final commitment. Once the tickets are purchased we know we are actually going. Going to Zambia; going to a country to which neither of us has ever been.

Looking back, the transition from America to England was relatively easy. Obviously I knew the country and culture well, and so did the family as we have visited many times over the years. BUT AFRICA!!! Hold on Lord, we don't know what to expect when we go there! We don't know the culture, we don't know our way around, we don't know much of anything.

Now, I realize I'm probably over reacting, but to be honest the thought of getting on that plane and flying into the unknown scares Gary and I and what makes it harder is taking the 6 children with us. We are so used to them coming to us and being able to explain why things happen, or what we need to do to get things accomplished - But I know I won't have those answers for them as I imagine we will feel lost when we arrive. And maybe that feeling will last for a long time.

It's also okay to go to a strange place for a vacation and finding it hard because you always come home from a vacation after only a short time. But this is no vacation. The Lord, in His wisdom, has only given us enough money for a one way ticket. Once we go we will be there for a long time. Livingstone will be home for us. Home in a strange place, strange surroundings, strange sounds, strange sights, hot temperatures (YUK!!) but still HOME.

Going is SO hard.

BUT... WE WILL GO!!

God has made it so clear that moving to Zambia is what we need to do, and so we will. He has shown us many times through scripture that we need to go. We have come from a place where 10 weeks ago we were struggling to find enough money for food, to a place where the Lord has provided abundantly and we now have enough money for our flights and shipping (which isn't a small amount for 8 people!!) And most excitedly, He has prepared our childrens' hearts for the work in Zambia. If we choose not to go, then everything we have tried to teach the children will be worth nothing. It is time for us, as parents, to lead by example and obey God - even when it's hard.

Christ sacrificed his own life for me, which makes complaining about leaving my comfort zone sound really pitiful!!!

So today we will book flights and in 22 days (March 4th) we will leave England, following Christ, trusting in Christ, knowing He holds the future in His hands -and His plans for us are GOOD.

A big thank you to all who have been praying for us, please don't stop now.

Michelle

Changes around the house

One of Gary's goals before we leave, is to prepare our flat for the next group of people that, at some time, will be coming to live here.

It was decided that the best use of the space was to divide some of the rooms to make a 1 bed self contained flat and 5 other bedrooms.

This has meant building walls!!

We now have a wall in our bedroom, making it too small to fit our double bed in, so we have moved to the schoolroom. There is also another wall in the schoolroom, which divided the large room into a double and a single bedroom.

Finally, there is a wall built in our living/dinning area. Until that wall was finished it made a wonderful climbing frame for the kids


Last week the drywall was hung and this week Gary has to put in the 3 new doors needed.

All this while we try to prepare for leaving!

Michelle

Reunion

Su is a friend that I went to school with 22 years ago (now that makes me feel old!!!) We never kept in touch once we had left school but, over the last few years I have often wondered where she was and what she was doing. I had tried doing internet searches for her but each time with no sucess.

Then a couple of months ago I decided to try facebook. I didn't find Su as she has now married and changed her name. But I did remember her sister's married name and found her.

I sent Su's sister (Wendy) an email to ask if she could put me in contact with Su. Imagine my surprise when Wendy replied and told me that Su was now living in Leeds (the same city as me). I was amazed as Leeds is about 250 miles north from where we grew up.

When I finally made contact with Su we agreed to meet. She asked where I lived in Leeds (which is a large city with a population of over 700,000). In her email she informed me she lives in ROTHWELL!!!! I was shocked as that is the area I live in too. When we were living in Swindon we lived less than a mile apart now, 22 years later, 250 miles further north, we again live with less than a mile between us!!

We met on Friday evening and had a great time catching up on the journeys that the Lord has taken us on over the last 2 decades. We are grateful that God has given us this opportunity to renew our friendship.

Michelle

Thirsty

I thirst for the word of God, yet in my busy life I struggle to find time to drink. I spend my days dehydrated and wonder why I can't get everything done. My body isn't taken care of properly yet I ask it to perform to exceptional standards. How can I expect to be a good helper to my husband, or a gentle, loving mother and teacher to my children, or a lighthouse in my community when I am starving myself from the Water of Life that not only sustains but in which I flourish.

Oh, but this morning I drank again from God's word. What a relief that is to my thirsty being. How sweet it tasted and what joy it gave. Thankfully when I drink my refreshed soul breaks forth with life and energy. My spirit is lighter and ... how I long to drink again.

"If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing" John 15:6


Michelle