"I don't daydream - I just get lost in my imagination!"
Jeremiah - age 6
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Thank You!
We cannot tell you how much we have appreciated receiving all of your comments and emails. You have blessed us so much with your kind, encouraging words. We also appreciate your prayers as we continue to seek the Lord for what we should do next.
Thanks again for all your support.
Much Love
Gary and Michelle
Thanks again for all your support.
Much Love
Gary and Michelle
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Death of a Dream
It has been almost 3 weeks since I have put up a post. Partly because we have had very limited internet access in Zambia and also because there has been so much that has gone on; much to challenge us and much to confuse us.
Unfortunately the result of all that has happened is that we had to return to England.
I don't even know where to begin to try and explain everything and I know I would bore you with all the details, but the summary is that we found ourselves in a position where we could not trust the person who was the director of the charity we were working with. We have no hard evidence that would allow us to know for sure that this man couldn't be trusted, but once we arrived in Livingstone, we found many 'coincidences' that led to suspicions. We were also given warnings by several godly people and consequently were unable to go forward with this man.
To say it was a hard decision, is truely an understatement. The kids and I shed many tears over this decision and still our hearts ache when we realize we are not in Zambia living the dream we had hoped and longed for; to help children in need, a dream that we believed the Lord had placed in our hearts. We prayed and prayed that the Lord would show us a way in which we could stay, but He never did.
It really broke our hearts to have to come back to England, but without work permits we were unable to stay. We could have extended our visitor visas but we would have been without accomodation, which obviously we could not do.
So we arrived home on Saturday, emotionally hurt, confused and asking many questions such as "Lord why did you make it so clear that we were supposed to go, only to bring us back 1 month later?" "Why Lord did you make us walk the path of giving up everything, if we were only to be gone for such a short time?" As of now we have no answers to these questions, and we may never get them.
I know the trip has not been a wasted one as it has solidified in our children, (and us) the desperate need for the support of the orphan and vunerable children in Africa. Every one of our kids wanted to stay and take care of some of these needy children. Elaina has had an especially hard time with leaving. The night after we had made the decision to return, she came to me in tears. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that in her mind she could hear the sound of the babies crying and asked why we have to leave them here.
Also, Jeremiah asked if we could just adopt a couple of orphans before we got back on the plane. If only it was that simple!!!
To hear the sweet hearts of my children has encouraged me to ask the Lord to keep their hearts tender toward the needy, maybe this dream of ours will be fulfilled through them.
To explain my own feelings is hard. My arms were so ready to hold more children and my heart so eager to love them - yet we had to leave them behind. If you know me at all, you can imagine how I struggle with this. I continue to cry for them, and selfishly for me as I long to be a mother to more. If there were no children in need I would be more than satisfied with what the Lord has given me, but there are so many children desperately needing a home and I can't give it to any of them - it hurts!!!
So what now, what is next for the Northcutts - we have NO idea. Right now we are back in England, living with my parents. This is a short term arrangement while we look for something permanent.
This is hard, I don't think we have ever been in a situation before where we have no clue what to do. We need to live somewhere, but where? The States is not an option at the moment as we have to reapply for my residency visa (as I have been gone too long) and that costs money. So for now, at least, we will be in England, but where? To stay down south, close to my family or return to Leeds so Gary can volunteer at WEC again (where they desperately need help)?
Does Gary look for work or do we start a family business? If so what type of business/work? So many questions with no answers. We feel desperately lost. We are seeking the Lord for His guidance and trying to wait patiently for answers.
We want to thank those who understand our pain and are supporting us through it as we grieve this death of a dream.
Michelle
Unfortunately the result of all that has happened is that we had to return to England.
I don't even know where to begin to try and explain everything and I know I would bore you with all the details, but the summary is that we found ourselves in a position where we could not trust the person who was the director of the charity we were working with. We have no hard evidence that would allow us to know for sure that this man couldn't be trusted, but once we arrived in Livingstone, we found many 'coincidences' that led to suspicions. We were also given warnings by several godly people and consequently were unable to go forward with this man.
To say it was a hard decision, is truely an understatement. The kids and I shed many tears over this decision and still our hearts ache when we realize we are not in Zambia living the dream we had hoped and longed for; to help children in need, a dream that we believed the Lord had placed in our hearts. We prayed and prayed that the Lord would show us a way in which we could stay, but He never did.
It really broke our hearts to have to come back to England, but without work permits we were unable to stay. We could have extended our visitor visas but we would have been without accomodation, which obviously we could not do.
So we arrived home on Saturday, emotionally hurt, confused and asking many questions such as "Lord why did you make it so clear that we were supposed to go, only to bring us back 1 month later?" "Why Lord did you make us walk the path of giving up everything, if we were only to be gone for such a short time?" As of now we have no answers to these questions, and we may never get them.
I know the trip has not been a wasted one as it has solidified in our children, (and us) the desperate need for the support of the orphan and vunerable children in Africa. Every one of our kids wanted to stay and take care of some of these needy children. Elaina has had an especially hard time with leaving. The night after we had made the decision to return, she came to me in tears. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that in her mind she could hear the sound of the babies crying and asked why we have to leave them here.
Also, Jeremiah asked if we could just adopt a couple of orphans before we got back on the plane. If only it was that simple!!!
To hear the sweet hearts of my children has encouraged me to ask the Lord to keep their hearts tender toward the needy, maybe this dream of ours will be fulfilled through them.
To explain my own feelings is hard. My arms were so ready to hold more children and my heart so eager to love them - yet we had to leave them behind. If you know me at all, you can imagine how I struggle with this. I continue to cry for them, and selfishly for me as I long to be a mother to more. If there were no children in need I would be more than satisfied with what the Lord has given me, but there are so many children desperately needing a home and I can't give it to any of them - it hurts!!!
So what now, what is next for the Northcutts - we have NO idea. Right now we are back in England, living with my parents. This is a short term arrangement while we look for something permanent.
This is hard, I don't think we have ever been in a situation before where we have no clue what to do. We need to live somewhere, but where? The States is not an option at the moment as we have to reapply for my residency visa (as I have been gone too long) and that costs money. So for now, at least, we will be in England, but where? To stay down south, close to my family or return to Leeds so Gary can volunteer at WEC again (where they desperately need help)?
Does Gary look for work or do we start a family business? If so what type of business/work? So many questions with no answers. We feel desperately lost. We are seeking the Lord for His guidance and trying to wait patiently for answers.
We want to thank those who understand our pain and are supporting us through it as we grieve this death of a dream.
Michelle
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