How do they get so big so quickly??! This past weekend we celebrated Elaina's 11th birthday.
I have been amazed as I have watched the Lord work in her life. From bringing her through extreme prematurity (born at 26 weeks) and challenging illnesses, she is now changing into a beautiful strong young woman. One of these days I will get around to writing her life story, but for now I just thank the Lord for bringing this precious girl into our family.
Today I awoke with a heavy heart. One that is burdened with the interview next week. An interview in which we will need a miracle to occur in order to be granted the visa that I so long for. The reason we need a miracle is because we have been volunteers with WEC and therefore have not had the income over the last few years that immigration requires us to have in order to prove that I will not become a burden on the government!
The interview could go 1 of 3 ways. I could be granted my visa (this is obviously what we hope will happen) or they could reject it or, they could require more information. I don't know which I fear more, the outright rejection or the need for more information. If I am rejected Gary and the boys will probably return to the UK. We have no problem with living here except that will mean a death of the dream of adopting more as we won't be allowed to in this country. But, if they require more information, or if we decide to fight the rejection then it will mean a longer separation for an indefinite period of time. I so desperately want to be with my husband and boys again that it hurts.
I know that God is more than capable of giving us that miracle and granting me a visa, but I don't know that He will choose to do that and that is what I am struggling with right now - the fear of not knowing and the fear of being apart even longer.
As I spent time with the Lord this morning I asked Him to show me what He was doing. Encourage me. Help me in this struggle.
I spent time with Him, reading His word and praying yet constantly I was distracted by my thoughts, my struggles, my fears.
After finishing my reading I moved to my computer to check emails etc, and connected to a blog I haven't read in a long time. And right there was my encouragement from the Lord. You can read it here.
I have no guarantee that I will get a visa but I do have the guarantee from God that He will work things out according to His purpose. And if I truly believe that He is in control and He is enough for me then I have to make that choice to trust Him whatever the outcome.
He is the one who can move mountains, (and governments) not me. So, through tears of surrender I am choosing to trust Him. Not understanding why we walk through this deep valley - but trusting.
He is my hope - my only hope - and I choose to trust Him
About 4 months ago all the children planted 12 sunflower seeds - 2 each. During the process of transplanting them several broke and died and a few more were eaten by bugs before they could grow. Only one of Jeremiah's survived. He has really enjoyed watching it grow and bloom. It finally reached a height of just under 10 ft.
We really never thought we would still be in England to see the flower bloom. We thought we would be back in America a looong time ago.
It has now been 3 months since Gary, Daniel and Nicholas left. 3 hard months! Last night it felt harder than ever, because I called Gary just before I went to bed (just like I do every night) and Daniel answered the phone. He always talks on the phone with a really chatty, cheerful attitude. Now, last night was no different but he just wanted to talk and talk and talk to me. We ended up speaking for 40 minutes and before he said goodbye he told me he missed me (he hasn't told me that much). Next I got to speak to Nicholas, who talked for 10 minutes which is a really long time for him as he is not much of a talker on the phone. Then the phone was passed around between the whole family. We ended up talking for probably an hour and a half!! We are so thankful for Skype :)
I miss those times when my boys could just talk to me about anything, whenever they wanted. I am so pleased they have their Dad there to talk to but, how I wish I was there too.
BUT, Lord willing, if the interview goes as we hope, we will be reunited in just under 4 weeks!!!!
I have a great deal of respect for my children's birth parents because they chose to give their children life, which is the greatest gift they could have given them. And although they will always have a place in my children's lives, they are no longer (physically, emotionally or legally) their 'real' or 'natural' parent. That responsibility and privilege was given to Gary and I through adoption. Therefore anyone who knows me well is aware of the fact that I can't stand the terms 'real' or 'natural' when referring to birth parents. Just by their use it implies that an adoptive parent is not a 'real' parent and that adoption is unnatural.
So you can imagine the look on my face when my 4 year old daughter and I were having a conversation last week about names. She wanted to know what name her birth mother gave her. I told her it was Deanna ______ _______. She proceeded to ask me why we changed it. I told her it was because she was now part of our family and we thought she would like to have the same name as us. She thought for a moment and informed me that she would rather have kept the name her 'REAL' mom gave her.
WHAT?? - Did she just say 'real' mom? I gently told her that I was her 'real' mom now but I guess the look of shock on my face was loud as yesterday she tried to make up for it.
We were standing in the line at the grocery store (actually a Wal-Mart here in England) and Jeremiah was in conversation with a lady regarding a bag of Doritos that he was taking very good care of.
Lady: Would you share those with me?
Jeremiah: No (shaking his head with a large grin on his face)
Me: Will you share them with me?
Jeremiah: No (smiling bigger than ever)
Deanna to the lady" He will, because he loves his Mom a lot
Me to Deanna: Do you love me?
Deanna: Yes .... more than my BIRTH mom
Me: Thank you Sweetheart - I love you too
These flowers arrived on a day I was feeling sick and sorry for myself. Nothing like a bouquet of beautiful flowers to make me feel a little better and remind me of how much I am loved.
Also, just to let you know that the Lord continues to work in wonderful ways. Charley and Kate's adoption of the two Eastern European girls was fully funded just days before they left to get them. Please keep them in your prayers as they are waiting for a court date, which at the earliest would be 24th September. While they wait, they remain separated from their other children who had to stay in the States. Thanks
Could you help bring these two precious girls home?
(I have been trying to put pictures of the girls up here - but just can't seem to get it to work. So you will have to visit their family's blog to see them)
Charley and Kate leave in 10 days to travel to Eastern Europe to bring home the two girls that they are adopting. The Lord has been so faithful and has already provided over $36,000 to enable them to rescue these girls from being sent to a mental institution and more importantly, allowing them to be able to be raised in a loving home where they will be taught about the Lord.
But, they are still needing just over $2,000 to have these adoptions fully funded. Could you help? It doesn't have to be a lot, but every dollar helps and there is such joy in knowing you have played a part in giving these girls a future. It truly is more blessed to give than to receive.
If you can help Charley and Kate, the easiest way to do so is through paypal and you will find the link to their paypal account through their blog HERE
