Today I awoke with a heavy heart. One that is burdened with the interview next week. An interview in which we will need a miracle to occur in order to be granted the visa that I so long for. The reason we need a miracle is because we have been volunteers with WEC and therefore have not had the income over the last few years that immigration requires us to have in order to prove that I will not become a burden on the government!
The interview could go 1 of 3 ways. I could be granted my visa (this is obviously what we hope will happen) or they could reject it or, they could require more information. I don't know which I fear more, the outright rejection or the need for more information. If I am rejected Gary and the boys will probably return to the UK. We have no problem with living here except that will mean a death of the dream of adopting more as we won't be allowed to in this country. But, if they require more information, or if we decide to fight the rejection then it will mean a longer separation for an indefinite period of time. I so desperately want to be with my husband and boys again that it hurts.
I know that God is more than capable of giving us that miracle and granting me a visa, but I don't know that He will choose to do that and that is what I am struggling with right now - the fear of not knowing and the fear of being apart even longer.
As I spent time with the Lord this morning I asked Him to show me what He was doing. Encourage me. Help me in this struggle.
I spent time with Him, reading His word and praying yet constantly I was distracted by my thoughts, my struggles, my fears.
After finishing my reading I moved to my computer to check emails etc, and connected to a blog I haven't read in a long time. And right there was my encouragement from the Lord. You can read it here.
I have no guarantee that I will get a visa but I do have the guarantee from God that He will work things out according to His purpose. And if I truly believe that He is in control and He is enough for me then I have to make that choice to trust Him whatever the outcome.
He is the one who can move mountains, (and governments) not me. So, through tears of surrender I am choosing to trust Him. Not understanding why we walk through this deep valley - but trusting.
He is my hope - my only hope - and I choose to trust Him
Michelle
5 comments:
I am so glad you posted that song. I think of you everytime I hear it.
Thanks for your honesty, Michelle! We will continue to trust God and His sovereign plan in all things! Love you and miss you. Our God is able to do all things. Heather
Michelle,
Tricia, Matthew and I pray for you at least every night. It is a tough business when we have to wait upon the LORD. Our (my) human nature wants to solve thins and get immediate answers. One thing I have learned is when we think that our world is falling down around us and that we are the only ones left serving the LORD, He reminds us that they are still lots of others who are serving Him too. My heart aches for you and that separation has to one of the toughest things you have had to endure. Always keep in mind that we are praying for you no matter what happens and we know that nothing takes God by surprise.
Praying for you. I can't imagine how you must be feeling.
Knowing that the God of this universe is in control!
Love,
Christie
So sorry it's so hard. Thinking of you all.
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